Why We Should Stop Calling Women “Pick Me Girls”

Meredith Grey’s “Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me” monologue was a cultural reset that spawned tons of memes and statement T-shirts. Somewhere along the way, it inadvertently kickstarted the “pick me girls” trope. If you’ve never heard of it, you’ve definitely seen some examples in rom-coms. You may even be one.

The pick-me trend started as some playful roasting on the tradwives who follow patriarchal ideas of being female – staying at home, cooking, cleaning, and serving their husbands. Now, it has morphed into a weapon to dismiss, belittle, and pigeonhole women who voice their (unpopular) opinions. Where do we draw the lines between jokes and blatant bullying?

Pick-meism can be summed up as a performative attempt to make oneself appear more desirable to potential partners at the expense of others. It’s an act rather than a personality trait, which stems from the notion that a woman’s worth is validated by male attention.

There are two sides to the “pick me” mentality. The “not like other girls” archetype looks down on stereotypical feminine likes in a bid to be accepted as one of the boys – as a so-called "guy's girl." On the other end of the spectrum is the “domestic goddess,” whose entire persona revolves around keeping the men in her life satisfied. They’re polar opposites, yet both share the same mindset of bringing other women down to elevate themselves or seek validation.

If all this strikes a chord with your experiences, it’s because the “pick me girls” phenomenon mirrors a phase many women go through during their formative years. Cady Heron from Mean Girls pretended to be bad at math so her crush would help teach her. In “You Belong With Me,” Taylor Swift sang about how the boy should end up with her, the nerdy girl next door, instead of his cheerleader captain girlfriend.

Stories like these prove that while the "pick me girls" need a wake-up call, they deserve a second chance. It may take them years to work through their insecurities and self-doubt but, eventually, it will click on them that sacrificing their own wants and passions for social acceptance is neither sustainable nor worth the trouble. And for us alumni? Save the snide remarks.

Much of the backlash against the “pick me girls” comes from their tendency to belittle others. Psychologists have linked this characteristic to internalized misogyny – a concept where women perpetuate harmful sexist ideals to themselves and other women. In the same breath, it can also materialize into labeling other women as pick-mes.

Scroll through TikTok and you’ll see hundreds of videos accusing women of projecting pick-me behavior for reasons as trivial as liking sports, ordering pumpkin spice lattes, and being shorter than average. What used to be a term for bashing sexism has now become an excuse for alienating and hurting another with name-calling.

No matter how you see it, mocking women who genuinely enjoy “manly” things or being hyper-feminine is an example of gender-based discrimination. And when you think about it, claiming to be anti-pick-me is a pick-me attitude. By pointing fingers at girls for being (supposedly) fake and attention-seeking, you’re essentially replicating the very behavior you want to criticize. Let that sink in.

Society has long imposed labels on female individuality. Fail to conform to traditional beauty standards, and you’re a slut. Being open about your feelings means you’re crazy. And now, doing what makes you feel beautiful and confident might earn you the pick-me badge.

The only exit to this vicious cycle of judgment is to stop punching down women for being “pick me girls.” Let people like what they like, whether or not they do it for male validation. Besides, two wrongs don’t make a right.

Instead of pointing fingers, look inward. Are you losing sight of your true self by trying to fit into someone’s mold? If you are, here are ways to get “you” back.

You can’t please everyone. Perhaps your preference for music is irritating to some. It’s not the end of the world because just as you have your likes and dislikes, others have theirs. So, embrace your quirks and tell your mean inner critic to get lost.

Comparing yourself to other women is a waste of energy. The pictures you see on social media rarely depict the full reality of a person’s life. It’s possible that the figures you idolize also have the same insecurities as yours.

Focus on yourself without constantly obsessing over how you measure up to others. Engage in activities that bring you fulfillment, whether it’s exploring a new hobby or simply taking a moment for self-pampering. If it’s the latter, give your tresses some TLC with Cream Silk Ultimate Reborn Standout Straight Conditioner. It has Frizz Defense Complex that helps soften, boost shine, and repair damaged hair. This deep hair treatment can transform your hair up to 4x straighter after the first wash, too.

When it comes to skincare, add POND'S Bright Triple Glow Serum to your beauty routine. Made with Gluta-Boost-C, niacinamide, and hyaluronic acid, it helps brighten and refine your complexion. You can also wear it under makeup for that lit-from-within finish.

Platonic relationships have a major impact on your identity. Friends can help you cope with stress, pull you out of a sticky situation, and inspire you to express yourself freely. If it has been long since your last girl’s night, shoot a message to your group chat and schedule a hangout.

Before meeting your buddies, get ready with closeup Gel Toothpaste with Antibacterial Zinc Red Hot. Its antibacterial zinc blasts away 99.9% of germs and protects your pearly whites from cavities. Plus, it keeps your breath fresh for up to 12 hours.

“Pick me girls” are not villains the internet made them out to be. It’s time to ditch the label for good because it not only emotionally hurts women but also tears us apart. And at the end of the day, everyone deserves attention.