Unhindered Conversations: Does Married Life Diminish Passion?

What is married life like? According to In Touch Philippines’ family counselor and therapist Anicia Mata-Valtersson, “Married life is a partnership where you are free to be yourself. There is the freedom to speak your mind without a filter. In married life, there is an openness to express your emotions, wants, thoughts and needs.”

As great as this sounds, there’s a notion that passion tends to fizzle out once a couple gets hitched. Here, couples share their experiences and advice on how to keep the fire going.

Anicia shares: “Significant relationships are like a dance choreography that both partners need to learn to sway with the tune, align with the beats, and gracefully swing their bodies into beautiful form.” It means that you and your partner must come through on the following:

In married life, your relationship will be tried and tested. When that happens, love and desire take a different form. However, there is always the fundamental choice to mend the relationship. There is always the hope that you and your partner can come up with new truths and agreements to reconnect. There must be a team effort between the couple.

Couples want a sense of safety and a secure commitment to each other. The latter means being exclusive and monogamous. There is also a longing for adventure, novelty, excitement, and curiosity in married life. Each side should choose to turn towards the other.

While upholding openness and honesty in married life is ideal, sometimes, says Anicia, “not knowing what your significant other wants and needs is like an aphrodisiac. Curiosity activates the imagination and builds foreplay, instead of having instant gratification.”

Chawie Ward, half of a mixed-race couple, says her relationship goals are fulfilled. “We are content and happy many years down the road. You hear about sparks dying after a few years. There is still that almost magical anticipation of what we want and need from each other just by looking at each other, being in awe of each other, and surprising each other.”

Time management is an essential tool in life – and more so in married life. It’s best to creatine routines for me-time, couple time, and family time. Scheduling these means you practice good self-care routines and love yourself. Try to get seven to eight hours of sleep and 15 to 30 minutes a day of exercise. You should also squeeze in some time for your hobbies, such as sports, and try to learn new things. It will all affect and enhance your mental health.

Taking care of yourself includes practicing personal hygiene, including skin care, hair care, nail care, and oral care. There is a saying that a happy person creates a happy and secure relationship.

According to editor Geolette Esguerra, “Before you can freely be with someone else, you must love and care for yourself. Lack of self-care can make you more unsettled and unhappy. Self-care can also mean cultivating your hobbies and interests, and who knows – you can even share it with each other!”

Try Eskinol Deep Cleanser Calamansi when you practice self-care. It removes deep-seated dirt, excess oil, and makeup with a micro-cleanse anti-bacterial formula. On your body, use Vaseline Gluta-Hya Serum Burst Lotion Flawless Glow. It has Hyaluron and GlutaGlow technology that is 10x more powerful than Vitamin C and gives your skin a dewy look.

“Passion in married life means sharing the same intense longing and energy for sex and intimacy with each other. However, everything changes over time. Challenges you face together include paying the bills, careers, childcare, care of aging parents, and health conditions. Social concerns can also tip the scale of passion,” says Anicia. It takes a mutual commitment to revive and fan the flames of passion. It involves conscious self-care because if you’re tired, you may not be in the mood and would prefer to go to bed.

Gina Cruz, an editor, says, “Married life, if anything, enhances passion. Growing with a person makes you appreciate and see them in a whole new way.”

Passion doesn’t have to decrease with married life. “It needs to transform into an eroticism that transcends the physical and the genitalia. Imagination and creativity can be activated to find a common ground to experience the passion that each partner is longing for,” says Anicia. “The spirit and soul, abstract parts of yourself, show your heart and how you connect with your divinity.” This draws your partner to you.