Single Moms Share Why It’s Okay to be Solo

In a society that somehow makes you believe that a complete parental set consists of two people – ideally a mother and a father – solo parenting continues to be seen as a negative. Numerous studies, including a 24-country European Social Survey, state that single moms live unhappier lives.

However, a 2017 paper in the Journal of Family Issues is changing this impression. It compares the life satisfaction among solo parents (particularly single moms), childless singles, and partnered mothers. Its conclusion reveals that any unhappiness comes from other factors, including the quality of family life and professional standing. Moreover, single moms in countries with good healthcare, high gender equality levels, and family-friendly policies generally rank high on the “satisfied” index.

The Philippines has a long way to go when it comes to a single-parent support system. For instance, there’s the Solo Parents Welfare Act of 2000. Many companies have also adopted flexible work schedules to accommodate moms who juggle working from home and staying at home.

Are you trying to survive as a single mom? Every woman’s story is different, but these single super-parents are sharing why they’re thriving on their own. Use them as an inspiration to live your best life.

AussyAportadera Perfecto was 21 when she got pregnant. “I wasn’t okay with it because I was scared and felt unprepared,” the yoga teacher and art entrepreneur confesses. “But taking responsibility, no matter how imperfectly, was the first real grown-up thing I had to do.”

As a young single mom, Aussy found a stable support system in her family and workplace, allowing her to build her career and pursue learning opportunities. Her daughter is 10 now and Aussy has relished how well they grew up together.

“The best parts of being a single mom have been the bond and close age gap I have with my daughter,” Aussy explains. “We are each other’s witnesses and keepers. Now that she is getting older and becoming her own person, I learn so much from her perspective of what we’ve gone through.”

Aussy has recently married and looks forward to co-creating a future with three people now in the mix.

When EmSomera, a marketing professional, entrepreneur, and financial advisor, became a single mom, she experienced a surge of personal growth. “I have learned to set boundaries and, at the same time, ask for support,” she says.

The mom of two believes that fostering an environment of openness establishes a healthy emotional bond. “I talk to them so they know that love is abundant, regardless if they are raised in a single-parent household,” she adds.

Moreover, she believes that being with them in such proximity also strengthened her perspectives. “Single parenting in a pandemic also taught me to commit to gratitude even in the toughest times.”

Monica Angeles doesn’t beat about the bush when it comes to the challenges single moms face. However, she uses them to build her resilience. “They helped me develop and discover a strength I never thought or knew I had in me. That’s how I’m able to take care of my two wonderful kids,” she explains.

“I have learned to balance my work life and parenting life over the last two years,” says Monica, who also runs a cabinetry business. “It’s a work in progress, but I know I’m thriving because my kids are growing up to be very loving and responsible children.”

Monica says her bond with her children has never been stronger. “They are very young and, while there are many things I find difficult to explain in words, somehow they get it. It’s amazing to see how smart and resilient they are.”

Tisha Alvarez has a similar story. Since it’s just the two of them, she feels incredibly close to her son. She’s also grateful that she has a friendly relationship with her ex-husband. “We don’t have any real conflict when it comes to raising him. I generally run things by his dad for big matters, but I make the day-to-day decisions,” she shares.

One of the bonuses she gets with this arrangement? “I get time for myself when he’s with his dad!”

Ana David takes a pragmatic approach to society’s perception of single moms. She believes that being a single parent now is easier than it was 20 years ago when stigma was attached to separation. “Had there been more acceptance and support for single parents back when my kids were younger, I would have decided to make the shift sooner,” she admits.

Much like the Journal of Family Issues study, Ana acknowledges that not everyone can thrive as a single parent. However, she says it’s crucial to focus on your happiness. “Children have a better chance at growing into happy and well-adjusted adults if their parents are happy and well-adjusted. Even if that means mom and dad have to live separate lives,” she explains.

You can also use it as an opportunity to look inward. “Focus on yourself and become a better person. In turn, you become a better parent. When you’re married, there is a tendency for a wife to put the needs of her husband and kids (or even in-laws) before her own, which is not healthy at all,” she advises.

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